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25th Apr 11
Kim
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Profanity in the novel:
Welcome, my studious writers!!! As I said before, I’m leading a writer’s group in my city. We are studying two books: The Art and Craft of Writing Christian Fiction by Jeff Gerke and The Heart of the Artist by Rory Noland. I’m going to focus mostly on The Art and Craft book as I try to add a little more to the lesson. So, here are my notes for the class. Enjoy!!
Here is a section of the chapter called Profanity from The Art and Craft of Writing Christian Fiction. Also, even if you don’t write Christian genre, you can still use this wonderful technique to avoid writing profanity.
Tip #56: Manage Profanity, Part 2
**Dwayne**
Little blond Barbie dolls. Cute.
Dwayne moved through the house with the silence of a roach. Must be nice to have a playroom and a big room of your own. He bent over the large dollhouse, where a blond plastic bimbo sat askew in her chair having a burger and fries with a redheaded plastic bimbo.
Moonlight cast soft shadows on the toy cabinets and dress-up bin and pink bean bag chairs in the playroom. Typical. Delicious.
Dwayne picked up the blond doll and caressed its molded smile with the tip of his hunting knife. The stiff yellow hair fell across the edge of the blade.
Hmm.
He snatched the locks in his thumb and fingers, slightly less dexterous because of the rubber gloves. He put his left hand over the doll’s face, held the knife to the scalp, and pulled the hair across the blade. The strands came away in his hand reluctantly, like pulling a wing off a bird.
He rotated the defiled doll before his eyes and felt the excitement rise in his neck. Pretty little thing.
Dwayne dropped the doll to the carpet and stepped into Camille’s room. The kindergartner lay sideways on her PowerPuff Girls sheets, blond hair arrayed over the pillow like a yellow skirt.
Pretty little thing.
**Lorraine**
Lorraine gazed at the martini just down the bar from where she sat. She shut her eyes, almost tasting it. Her own glass rattled when she lifted it to her lips, the ice betraying the tremors in her hand. Water. All it did was chill her. But at least it kept the gravel out of her voice.
“You really used to be a model?” the guy asked.
Lorraine forced herself to look at him. He was bulbous and sweaty, with meaty fingers like a stack of Michelin tires. The thought of him touching her…
“Yeah,” she said, “really. Magazines and catalogues and sh—” She censored herself. Maybe this guy was one of those pervs who didn’t mind adultery but couldn’t stand foul language.
His eyes widened and wandered somewhere south of her eyes. “That’s really something, huh?”
“Yeah. So you sure you don’t need the Percocet (Note: Per-ko-set is a narcotic pain reliever and is very addictive.) anymore?” He’d said it was his wife’s pain-killer but there was no need to remind him that he was betraying her. It might blow the whole thing. Lorraine stamped down a shudder. She needed a smoke.
His eyes came back north. “Huh? Oh, right. No, no, she doesn’t— I mean, it’ll be fine.”
Lorraine stood up and pressed herself against his shoulder. “I don’t know about you, honey, but I’m ready to get somewhere private with you.”
He almost fell getting off the bar stool. “Yeah, sure. Definitely.” He dropped a twenty on the bar and headed to the door, gripping her hand on his arm as if he thought she might run away otherwise.
She was going to run away, all right, but not just yet. She watched his jowls bounce as he walked and again thought of that face on hers.
“Just…let’s go grab the Percocet first, okay?”
“What? I can’t go home with—” v
She yanked her hand away and stopped. “You’re going to get it first, you hear me. Or you don’t get,” she said, pulling the hem of her shirt wide open for him to have a look, “what you want.”
His eyes bugged. “Right. Right. Okay. Come on.”
She smoothed her shirt and preceded him to the door. Perv.
Profanity Without All the Bad Language
Were those characters foul? Were they profane? Did you feel their depravity in the seat of your being? If I did my job right, you were horrified by Dwayne and disgusted by Lorraine.
I created that effect because of all the foul language I used, obviously. I mean, have you ever heard so many profanities in the space of a single page?
Oh…wait.
But surely these are the kind of people who would use profanity. Foulness pervaded their character. Even if you didn’t actually see or hear them using four-letter words, you felt a deep corruption oozing through their skin.
Here’s the point: it is quite possible to create the feeling of profanity without the use of profanity.
In fact, doing so is superior to using profanity in your fiction. It’s the better way, in my opinion.
In his novel Rising Sun Michael Crichton creates a foul-mouthed detective character. He drops the F-bomb as commonly as the words “the” or “and.” He is truly the most disgusting, pathetic character I’ve ever seen on the pages of a novel.
This reaction may not have been what Crichton was aiming for. He probably wanted this character to seem intimidating and street-wise but I just thought he was a sad and empty wretch consumed by self-loathing.
In other words, the free and frequent use of profanity in a book does not necessarily create the hard-edged character you may be trying for. You may find the profanity working against you.
Conversely, the absence of profanity in a book does not mean you cannot create hard-edged or profane characters. As I hope I’ve demonstrated above.
Show vs. Tell
If you’ve been reading this column very long you know how I feel about show vs. tell. If you’ve read any of my novels you know how I feel about show vs. tell. For a refresher, read Tip #29.
Anybody can write, “She was angry because of how he’d treated her on the plane.” It takes a lot more skill from the writer to communicate that she was angry and that the cause of her anger was how he’d treated her on the plane—and to do so without saying so outright.
Telling is cheating, in my opinion. It’s lazy storytelling. [Blogger’s note: I for one, don’t like the term Lazy Writing. If a writer doesn’t know any other way of writing, then why is it ‘lazy’?? I like the term uniformed, not lazy.] It reveals a low view of the reader’s intelligence and a lack of trust in the author’s own ability to convey information on paper. It stops the story cold and removes all mystery. It is, in short, A Bad Idea.
Showing, on the other hand, is the land where the masters dwell.
When it comes to communicating that a character is lost or profane, the frequent use of profanity in the manuscript is telling. It’s lazy. Anyone can do it. Yep, that’s a foul-mouthed person.
It takes more creativity and skill—not to mention more words—to communicate that the character is lost or profane but to do so without the use of profanity itself. In other words, it’s showing.
I know you want to be a superior novelist. I know you want to take the path of higher craftsmanship. That means showing and not telling in every aspect of your fiction.
Which is more effective: Crichton’s detective or Dwayne and Lorraine? Which method most perfectly conveys the dissoluteness of the character? Which method more insidiously reveals the person’s degraded inner state? Which method better shows profanity?
Telling conveys head knowledge. Showing conveys heart knowledge. When you show something to your reader she feels it at the center of her being.
That’s what you want to accomplish when you have a character who is foul. You want your reader to feel it in her toes.
The next time you bring a debauched character onstage in your fiction, I challenge you to consider how you can reveal the character’s foulness through scene and action instead of the direct use of profanity.
Take look at the solutions in Tip #55. Maybe use one or more of them. But always, always concentrate your efforts on how you can show your character being profane instead of just letting the epithets flow.
Or Dwayne will get you. Where the map ends.com
Professional writers, publishers and agents often call using too much Profanity in your novel lazy writing because it falls into the same category as clichéd descriptions (The girl was as cute as a button.), telling descriptions (The girl had long beautiful hair.), passive verbs (The girl was being chased by the man.), dialogue tags (“Stop!” the man shouted.), clichéd characters (The criminal wore dark glasses, a baseball cap and had tattoos down his arms.) and so on. It’s simply no different than the other thousands of wrong ways of writing. As I said above, I don’t so much consider it lazy, as uninformed writing. It’s like saying anyone who doesn’t speak five foreign languages is lazy. Really??? Once you learn writing techniques, profanity seems like a security blanket that you no longer need. Not to mention folks are tired of profanity. It’s dull, boring and has lost its shock value over the years.
In the Christian writing world, it is the taboo to use profanity. Rarely will a Christian Publisher accept a novel full of cursing and never will a Christian bookstore allow the novel to be sold in their bookstore. (Secular publishers also veer from them.) Why? Because the large majority of Christian readers don’t want to read a book full of cursing, so the publishers say no. I certainly don’t want to read a chapter on the goodness of my God, then read a character dropping the f-bomb because the writer thought it would be ‘edgy’. I’ve also come across those who write for the secular world, yet hear from their readers, why all the profanity? Yet the poor writer feels trapped, knowing she wants to portray her bad guy as evil, but all she knows is profanity equates bad. This wonderful technique will free up anyone trapped in the profanity cycle.
Some folks use profanity as a brace or a backbone for the character. He curses so he’s evil. He’s evil so he curses. He curses so he not a Christian, he’s in a place where he doesn’t belong so he curses, he’s the bad guy – curses, he’s no longer with God –curses, etc. This is where the writer can use technique to show and develop a character. If all a writer knows is cursing makes one evil, then of course the story and the character falls flat. It’s like seeing only one part of a person and then told to care about him.
If profanity is used too much or incorrectly, it can drag the story down, destroying the character and making her look like a cheap imitation of a late night B movie. The reader becomes disinterested in the character and doesn’t understand her. Again, what is there to understand? She curses because she is bad. Really?? Then when the writer does try to develop her, she falls flat. It just doesn’t have the same impact as a well developed character.
Instead, replace the overused cursing with proven techniques, such as inner dialogue, sharp dialogue between characters, oblique dialogue and showing. Others include how does the character see herself as opposed to how others see her? Does she have a temper and how does she show her anger? Is she passive aggressive or confrontational? How is she her own worst enemy? How does she sabotage relationships? What are her inner demons and how does she fight them? All of these can make the cursing seem cheap and dull. By using technique to support the character, the reader now cares about her and her story. Think of it this way. You have a co-worker who curses all the time. Do you now know all about her? Where she lives? How she was brought up? What is her worse fear? Her greatest strength? What makes her feel powerful? What makes her feel weak? Is she self-confident or hates herself? What wakes her up at 3am and makes her cry? No? Then why use only cursing to develop the character? How can the reader understand the character if all you use is cursing to develop her? How can she get to know the character if all she knows is she curses?
If you decide to use cursing, then you better KNOW how to it. If not used correctly, then the story becomes a hot mess. And be aware. This isn’t a get out of jail free card. You still must learn and use writing techniques. The profanity must become salt as a flavoring, not as a brace. Think of your character. Where would he curse? In front of kids, his mom, older people? Why or why not? Where does he draw the line in his cursing? Will he curse at a family reunion, at church, in front of a nun? Why or why not? What does he say and why? Why does he curse? To make himself look good, to be a big man, a strong man? Because that’s what men do? Because that’s what Daddy did when he was mad at his little girl? Did he/she learn it from her parents or from TV? Or does she curse because it’s what everyone else does and she doesn’t want to look stupid in front of her peers?
Take the movie Taxi Driver, one of my faveys. The director had Travis curse, yet the cursing became white noise. It wasn’t even needed. I was more interested in watching Travis melt down and wonder if he’d kill the presidential candidate and what he would do with Iris. That’s how cursing needs to be, white noise, not shock value or develop the character or to be ‘edgy’. But remember, although we live in a culture that rips cursing out like toilet paper, that doesn’t mean the public longs to read about it. Readers want great stories with interesting characters, not a bunch of f-bombs because it’s ‘real life’ or worse, edgy.
And please, for the love of God, don’t use cursing to describe the scene, such as the biker bar. Instead of focusing on the barely dressed women, the click of the beer glasses, the smell of alcohol and smoke (cigarette and marijuana) in the air, the bikes lined up outside, knives and guns, the writer concentrates on the bikers’ cursing. Seriously??? That’s just plain sad, sad, sad. Yes, you can use cursing, but understand why you use it.
Look at the examples I wrote, one laced with profanity and one that uses techniques:
With Profanity:
“So, what do you want to do for dinner,” Tom asked, tossing his newspaper on the coffee table.
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” Lizzy asked, picking the dirt under her chipped nails.
He shrugged. “Maybe Chinese?”
“Why the hell do you want Chinese? I can cook, you know,” she said, glaring at him.
He nodded. “Yeah, I know. But let’s do something different.”
“Why because I can’t cook shit?”
“I never said I didn’t like your cooking. What is wrong with you?”
“What is wrong with me? What about you? You hate my cooking, you hate my housekeeping, I’m surprised you even share my bed.”
Tom’s handsome face scrunched up like an accordion. “What are you talking about?”
“Maybe you should go to Rachel’s house to screw with her and eat her food.”
“Rachel? What’s she got to do with this? Are you on something? Sick maybe?”
“Fuck you!” Lizzy screamed as she threw the vase at Tom. He ducked under the flying shards and ran out the door and into the hall. Lizzy slammed the door behind. Tom was an ass. Complete fucking ass. Let him run back to the bitch known as Rachel.
Notice how I used cursing to develop Rachel. This is how a lot of amateur writers will try to develop a character with problems. Also some professional writers use this to create their bad guys or gals. I see it all the time. Notice how Lizzy comes across as mean and brass, even crazy. In fact, I don’t even know her. I don’t know how to begin to develop her or where to take her. Now imagine Lizzy cursing up a storm through the whole story, yet we never really get to know her. When I asked my writers what they learned about Lizzy, all they could say is she curses a lot and she can’t cook. LOL!! That’s just plain sad.
As opposed to:
No profanity:
Each time Lizzy looked into Tom’s green flaked eyes, she saw Rachel staring back at her. Rachel. The little princess with the blue eyes, perfect body and sleek, long, disgustingly blond hair. The queen of fashion. While she was the fat, short haired girl with tiny dull eyes, who wore Walmart Plus size clothes. She was Tom’s backup plan. Nothing more, nothing less. If Rachel was gone, then she was in. The fat lady at the circus. It’s not over until the fat lady sings.
“So, what do you want to do for dinner,” Tom asked, folding up his newspaper and tossing it on the coffee table. He was thinking of Rachel. And her perfect fingers, picking up a fork at her perfectly made meal in a perfectly cleaned house. The dry tone of his voice echoed across the room, killing her plants and peeling the paint from the walls. What do you want to do, fat cow? Which pasture should I take you to? So you can eat the grass and poop? While Rachel sits in her perfect house. Doing perfect things.
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” she asked, picking the dirt under her chipped nails. Rachel would have her long red nails done by now. By a professional. Since she was rich and perfect.
He shrugged. “Maybe Chinese?”
Take out. Because she couldn’t cook. Cows can’t cook. Not like Princess Rachel. “Why Chinese? I can cook, you know.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I know. But let’s do something different.”
“Why because you don’t like my cooking?”
“I never said I didn’t like your cooking. What is wrong with you?”
She planted her large hands on her large hips. Not like Rachel’s tiny size zero hips. “What is wrong with me? What about you? You hate my cooking, you hate my housekeeping, I’m surprised you even stayed here.”
Tom’s handsome face scrunched up like an accordion. “What are you talking about?”
“Maybe you should go to Rachel’s house.”
“Rachel? What’s she got to do with this? Are you on something? Sick maybe?”
“You’re the sick one.” She picked up the vase and hurled it at him, shattering against the stark white wall. He bolted for the door, ducking under the flying pieces of colored ceramic, and lunged into the hall. She slammed the door behind him. She opened it again and shouted down the hall, “Enjoy your time with Rachel.” Then she slammed it again, letting the vibrations melt into her chubby body.
Now we know a bit more of Lizzy. She’s insecure, overweight and thinks little of herself. And she’s a drama queen. She’s jealous of Rachel and thinks Tom is having an affair with her. Now I can develop Lizzy into someone who sabotages her relationships, never finding love. She’s hurt, angry and destroys everyone who tries to get close to her. Cursing alone can never accomplish this. It can never stand on its own. Techniques must be added to it for it to work. In fact, it took me five minutes to write the first one with profanity and a day to do the second without profanity. The second made me feel sorry for Lizzy and hope she finds happiness. The first one made me not care for Lizzy. She was crazy anyway, but I’m not for sure why. When I asked my writers, what did you learn about Lizzy, they said, she was insecure, a drama queen, overweight and jealous of Rachel. Exactly what I had wanted.
The book Silence of the Lambs uses the technique taught in our book. Lector only used two curse words and the last one used changed the rhythm of the story. It was almost like a foreshadow for the next book, where Lector and Clarice run off together as lovers. The author used these same techniques as above and did something remarkable. He created not only a frightening character, but also got into the mind of the reader, creating a form of mild Stockholm syndrome. This is why folks loved this bizarre serial killer. They were grateful he left Clarice alive, so he must be good after all. That isn’t done with cursing or profanity. Read the parts where the other characters curse. The curses are boring and dull compared to Lector. It’s as if Harris thought ,well, they are FBI and all FBI agents curse, so mine will curse also. It’s forced. Yet Lector, a minor character, suddenly takes the stage and leaves everyone behind. They are amateurs in his light and they blend into the background. And Harris used Jeff’s technique to accomplish this mighty feat.
Now before anyone says, yeah, but what about such and such prof writer who uses curse words? When you become someone’s cash cow, then you can do whatever you want. It’s either you learn the craft or you don’t. Plain and simple.
As an added note, writing a story laced with profanities can be easier to write than really digging into the character and getting to know her, then using techniques to communicate that knowledge to the reader. It’s safer to drop the f-bomb, not to mention folks might think you’re pretty gutsy and edgy to use it. Yet to dig deep into the character, and take risks in your writing makes one vulnerable, open to criticism and attacks. Not to mention it’s scary. Very scary. Because you might fail and folks won’t understand what you’ve tried to write. Then you’ll have to try again and you might succeed or again, fail. Are you willing to fail again or again until you finally get it right? Or take the easy way? I find it braver to venture into unknown territories of technique, than to take the easy way and drop the f-bomb.
Now it’s your turn. Homework!! Write two scenes, one with cursing and one without. See how different you can make both scenes. You can post it here on my blog or on your own or wherever. Enjoy!! See you in two weeks!!
Here’s what others say about using profanity in novels:
Hartline Literary Group That’s all. Now go to bed!!
